Using the web can be a confusing business. Look at all this information! Where am I? Who runs this? I need some human to talk to! I think I'll type to someone through email. As time goes on we get better at the web, and better at getting information about the stuff we like but sometimes, it's clear that people don't even quite understand what it is they think they like! This page was created in an effort to foster web awareness. All that looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger is not actually Arnold Schwarzenegger! Just coz you see him on your screen doesn't always mean you can chat to him by clicking your mouse button! What follows is an illuminating and often funny group of emails and guestbook entries to websites. Names and personal details have been changed to protect the silly.

Spam is of course the sincerest form of flattery...

Name: Yaniv Finkelski
Website: none
Referred by: Just Surfed On In!
From: Latvia / Los Angeles
Time: 1998-07-28 01:56:16

Comments: To Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger Dear Arnie, Thanks for reading this note. About year ago I started a motion picture production company. PowerShow Media, Inc. Being a foraigner it is almost impossible to brake in. I studied with Billy B. Gross., I have found great major studio team with Freehill & Freehill atturney, Completion bond company, James Stevenson as a UPM, Westfield National are interested when presales move along, Billy Gross who seems to know you fron "Terminator 2" is on my corporations board of directors. I am really good at producing, I even have an accent; I just haven't had a chance. I have been in US for 5.5 Years, now my visa ends on October 19, I have to go back if I don't make it. I am not as talented genius as you but I still hope for little investment and mercy. Happy birthday on the 30th. I love your work. Let me know if we can talk. Yaniv Finkelski 18 Hollywood Ave., West Los Angeles, CA 90555 (555) 555-3512



Good shit, Alicia - a guestbook entry on the Alicia Silverstone Fan Club page ...

Roses are sweet,
Like free-flying birds,
But to fall at your feet,
Give me free-flowing turds.

Okay, scrub that poem. I accept that won't bring in the chicks. This guy has high hopes though ...

Hello, I collect sewage and always wondered if that sorta thing interested Alicia. Unfortunatly I never found the answer and probably never will, so I have decided to start my very own Alicia Sewage fan club. The goal of the club is to send as much raw sewage as possible to Alicia, if Im correct she'll be so flattered by these acts of kindness that she'll strip naked for us on national television! So do your part today, send her a package filled with your sewage... TODAY!! (k'mon, we all want to see her butt naked... this is your chance man! Go for it! Send her crap!)

Jason Worthington (jason@hotmail.com)